Best (Friend) Lover Disorder
This is a theory of mine developed after extensive thought and research was done.
Through conversation and discourse with young women between the age of 20-29. I can now say, I know why “some” guys become labeled as best friend or the brother “i never had” when courting a young woman.
(1), It can be said that in most of these cases, the women have never encountered a man (assuming the man does these things) who treats her with such respect, dignity, care, admiration, honor, honesty…etc. This unusual treatment from a young man who is in “his” intentions trying to date, “wife” this young woman. In doing so, he is being that upstanding gentlemen to every sense of the word. He talks WITH her, communicates when they are out, and explores her mind and thoughts while acknowledging her beauty. It is in this treatment that a woman suffering from this disorder does not know how to respond.
(2) She has continually dated, slept with, loved, been abused by, raised by men who are not and do not treat her with this amount of womanhood. These actions not only baffle her, but cause her to look onto him as the beloved “brother” or good “guy friend” role. She then wrongly eliminates him from the role of boyfriend, husband, lover, confidant. She has never experienced this level of companionship and mentally feels like this can only come from someone who is a brother or best friend. Unbeknownst to her these characteristics are fitting and possibly ideal from husbands & boyfriends. Her mind cannot fathom someone in that “role” loving her and treating her the way she is being treated only because of her past relationships/acquaintances have never esteemed her to that level.
(3) Not only does she find men of high quality “friendly” but men not of this quality but of substantially lower quality “dateable” only because this is what she is accustomed to and expects men to treat her with lower-standards of the above mentioned qualities. Thusly, easily and quickly finding thereself attached to them that mentally resemble a “dateable” man.
(4) She then falsely justifies this behavior as one that is better in the long run. She says in various ways not limited to, “I don’t want to mess things up between us, I don’t want to ruin our friendship” “I want you to be around for a long time so I’m gonna keep you as a friend, or big bro. When doing so, she then ascribes to him a role of the two and is still with the larger void in her life of THE “man or romantic partner.” In her assumption she believes a male “friend” will last longer and be more for her than a boyfriend or long-term lover because of previous points (1). It is an error on her behalf to limit and base this relationship with him on past experiences. Also, unbeknownst to her male friends who were initially wanting a relationship, fade away because they did not wish to have this role from the beginning. Instead of ascribing the young man a role as her ‘man” which was his intentions and his deliberate approach she has now thoroughly removed him from her life as well causing this entire cycle to start over again.
This Theory holds true under these assumptions:
- That most women find the man is not unattractive
- The man communicates effectively and treats her with the up-most admiration, honor…etc
- There is a bond between them.
- Both single and “dating” or looking
- Man does not want a platonic relationship of ‘best friend’ or ‘big bro’
*Open for suggestions to improve this theory and counter-arguments.*