“You are SO DUMB! You are really dumb….for real!”
What’s cracking SQUARES! So in case ya’ll didn’t know…I recently graduated with my masters from URI. Since I now have hella free time, I find myself having the “what am I doing with my life” thoughts constantly. I mostly think about life, what I want to do, what I haven’t done, and most importantly the decisions I’ve made up to this point. With that said, I recently thought of FIVE things that I considered doing when I was young…that probably weren’t the best ideas…and I’d like to share.
1. Auditioning for American Idol
“She bang! She bang. Oh baby when she move she move…” William Hung had us all thinking we might have a hidden talent! LMAO! This consideration is especially funny though cause I’m tone deaf. But when I’m singing along with Beyonce I’m really feeling like I sound just as good as her. Then I was thinking, well maybe I’ll just audition and do something really stupid or funny to get on TV. Knowing me, I probably could have just acted a fool and made it on TV somehow…but thankfully for me I choose otherwise and didn’t. Who knows, what I would have thought was funny could have totally been interpreted otherwise and I would have been embarrassed. Truth be told I was actually on TV before and it was super embarrassing cause I look sooooooo extra lame! Bet you wish you knew what show…but I’ll never tell! That’s how whack it was! lol And if one of you EVER comes across it….don’t even mention it to me! Seriously.
2. Getting Married at a YOUNG age to a LAME ASS MARK!
So I was dating this one dude in my younger days that was just a fucking mark ass loser. I was pretty sure we would get married at the time though. I was all in love, and ready to have his babies and all that crap. Wasted a few years on this fool. Becoming a young wife and mom was just not a good idea. But my love for this loser seriously had me considering and envisioning it. When I look back (or more specifically on Facebook) I am SOOOOOOO happy that things didn’t work out. (cues Beyonce) “Thank god ya blew it. Thank god I dodge a bullet. I’m so over you so baby good looking oooouuutttt!” Ya’ll like that right? Did I sound like Beyonce? (refer to stupid consideration #1!)
3. Moving to LA to Become a Professional Dancer
When I was a senior in high school I definitely had a plan to move to LA and become a professional hip hop dancer. This was, of course, with NO professional dance training or anything of the like. FAIL! I’m not really sure what I was thinking. Well actually I do…..I was thinking I know all the dances in the current videos and I’m in a dance group…so I definitely have the moves. How hard could it be to get into a real video when I had all the tools? The local dance group I was in was a bunch of ninjas with no professional dance training like me. But being apart of this troupe had me thinking I was good enough to just walk up into auditions like (in ghetto Shonbontisha voice) “ya’ll niggas holding auditions. What’s up!?” HANDS! I don’t think I realized how much work shit required back in those days. For example, I had never heard of a headshot. Thats like one of the basic items you need when auditioning for shit. I woulda been like (in super ghetto voice) “headshots? Is that like when you hit somebody in da head or suttin? I thought this was an audition for the 112 video?” (IMBECILE!) Also, my big sister at the time was/is a professional hip hop choreographer, so I just knew I was going to get in where I fit. But here’s the kicker, at the time when I had this “awesome vision” NOT ONCE did I ask her about the work required to become a professional dancer. Nor did I ask about her individual experience in the industry. I just wanted to know what videos she danced in and what celebrities she met. Extremely backwards. I was more interested in the GLITZ of it all rather than the dance itself. I was convinced it was so easy to do if you had the talent. CHOP! Don’t get me wrong though, I still love to dance but I know it’s just a hobby! LOL The real reality of me moving there and trying to become a legit dancer would have probably easily lead me to actually doing my next stupid consideration…
4. Becoming a Stripper
(cues Wakka Flokka) “Round of Applause…” I think every woman has had this thought before but then her morals or extreme lack of self confidence to be naked in front of strangers kicks in. For me it was both. At the time of this consideration, I was just broke as hell in college and needed some money. I had a job at the time but didn’t get enough hours. One day, a friend and I went to a local strip club and just sat in there for like 10 mins. We both came to the conclusion that we just couldn’t do it. I was just thinking about being exposed to folks. I’ve been to local MN strip clubs and have seen girls I knew from high school working. And every time I see them I think, “Damn, shoulda seen that one coming.” Didn’t want folks saying that same shit about me! RNS! Plus going back to the confidence thing I know I don’t got the perfect body. So to just be naked in front of random guys…I’d probably have to be drunk or high…getting my substance courage on…RNS. That basic requirement would lead to its own set of problems. This decision would have just been all bad. LOL So whew! Glad I chose otherwise.
5. Not Going To College
Going back to my senior year in high school….I definitely did not consider myself going to college AT ALL! It was not in my foreseeable future. None of my friends were planning on going to college so it wasn’t something I was thinking about. My actual plan was to (refer to stupid consideration #1). Luckily for me, a counselor from the Upward Bound/TRIO program contacted me and asked me about my plans after graduation. When I told her my plan (which I’m sure she considered very stupid and not well thought out) she just started handing me college applications. Told me I had to have them completed when I came back from winter break. In a super annoyed, I’m grown so I really don’t care what you are saying to me right now, stank teenager tone I said “whatever” and took the applications. Since I liked and respected her, I obliged and completed 5 applications during winter break. And wouldn’t you know that I got accepted to all the schools I applied to? Decided to attend Augsburg College and the rest is history! THANK GOD for that school counselor! She saved me from potentially not being where I am today and opened my eyes to the importance of higher education.
So there you have it folks! Those are my FIVE stupid considerations but thankfully I chose otherwise. Although I’m not 100% satisfied with my current situation I can’t imagine my life being any other way. Now that I’m older I can look back on my mind frame during those times and truly appreciate how much I’ve matured. I think I’ll do this again when I’m 30…or maybe 35. I’m sure I will be able to identify several stupid considerations that I have yet to think about.
Question: Now that I’ve posted my dumb arse considerations….what about you my fellow SQUARES? Anything you considered doing back in the day that seems completely ridiculous to you now?
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