What’s good, Squares?
A couple weeks back I wrote a post on “How to make HER want to marry YOU”
. It was pretty dope, you should check it out; I only drop nuggets of truth on these blogspot streets. What can I say? It’s all I know how to do. Young!
I’m finally getting around to writing the female version. I know y’all have been patiently waiting like, “damn, when Mic gon drop this post? Can a bitch get some advice? I’m sick of sending off these lonely ass tweets and leaving these lonely ass status’s.” Because, obviously, that’s how all women talk. And of course mufucker’s are sitting on the edge of their seats waiting for the next Cos post.
In a perfect world, right? Someday.
Nah. Y’all do be some lonely tweeting ass, status having ass mufuckers, though. But so do men. Maybe even more so. I’ve been guilty myself. The struggle is TOO real on Social Networks. Apparently, love, for Millenials, is an ultimate ass struggle in general. I’ve read numerous articles on the subject. It’s kind of sad. We’re the let’s fuck and party – no strings attached generation according to popular opinion. Though, I don’t know how true that is in MN because it seems like everybody is boo’d up, engaged, or pregnant. But we also have 9 months of Winter, so there’s that.
I talked to ya boy, Q Guru, you know, to get another man’s opinion on what it takes to make a woman cuffable, and I feel like we came up with a pretty solid list. Like the last post, I left out all things superficial/ superfluous and focused on traits. 7 of these jawns; the recipe. Let me know what you think.
How to make a MAN want to Marry YOU (in no specific order)
One thing every woman can agree on about menfolk, is that we love us some sex. We LOVE it. We live for it. I surveyed 10,000 men. I asked, “If you were to get your PENIS cut off.
Would you – A. Go on living or B. Commit suicide.”
Overwhelmingly . . .
10,000 of the 10,000 men I surveyed opted to commit suicide. Crazy right??
Of course I’m lying, but if I DID do this survey, I’m pretty sure my feaux results would be legit. We LOVE sex.
Which is why we need our wife to love sex as well. Marriage is a long . . . fucking . . . time. It’s a lifetime, in theory. If me and my wife aren’t fucking at least three times a week for the entire duration of our marriage, I’m getting a divorce. Flat out. Nah – but seriously. I’m not going to be a happy camper. And it ain’t even about the sex, really. It’s the closeness. Sex, chemically, helps keep the bond between a couple strong. So, if you want to keep us happy. Have sex with us.
Keep it fresh. Be open. And put our penis in your mouth. If you’re one of those anti penis in your mouth women, just stop it. And grow up. Seriously. Grow up.
And swallow. He’ll love you for it.
2. Believe in His Dreams
This is probably the most important joint on this list. I don’t care if your man is an aspiring juggler.
Support the things he’s passionate about. That’s, lightweight, the easiest way to hook a man. We’re a sucker for a mufucker believing in us. Absolute suckers:
Man: Bae, I’m thinking about being an Astronaut…
Woman: Really!? I could really see you doing that?
Man: Word? But I ain’t eem graduate from high school?
Woman: Babe . . . you can be ANYTHING you want to be. I’ll be with you every step of the way.
^^^ He proposed a week later.
Seriously though. Men have egos. And as much as I hate to admit it . . . these egos need to be fed. ESPECIALLY, by our woman. You stroke ours. We stroke yours. It’s a two way street.
3. Give Him His Space/ Have Your Own Life
|Every man wants a Man Cave
Men LOVE for women to have their own shit going on. Clingy women don’t get cuffed. Simple as that. We like our woman to have shit going on because WE have shit going on. It may not be much – could just be playing 2k with his boys – it COULD just be watching football/ basketball/ tennis/ soccer/ fuseball – fucking anything with a ball. It may not sound like a big deal to you. But we NEED our space. It’s just how we’re wired – unless he’s bitchmade . . . some of us are. I hate to admit it. Clingy men exist. I don’t understand it myself. I think it’s a birth defect, but I digress.
For a relationship to remain healthy, both parties should have somewhat of a life outside of each other – friends, hobbies, a second family. SOMETHING. So you guys have a chance to 1. Moderately miss each other and 2. Give each other a breather and recharge. To reiterate, marriage is a long fucking time.
4. Be a Nurturer
Man. This is just the icing on the cake. EVERY man wants a nurturing woman. A woman that’s gonna rub our shoulder’s when we’re tense. Tell us sweet things. Squeeze us tight when we’re going through shit. Be the big spoon from time to time. We LUH dat shit. Touch is therapeutic. It can ease the deepest pain. Though some women just know how to touch a man, innately (you know who you are), every woman can learn. But it’s not just touch – being nurturing is really just a way of SHOWING your man that you love him. Sure we can HEAR it when you say it. We can SEE it in your eyes. But can we FEEL it. Does it hang off the end of your every word? Does it shoot through me when our lips touch? It all comes back to passion. Passion keeps love strong. And being nurturing is just a component of passion.
5. Be Open-Minded
This is more so if you want to bag a brain. Not all women have aspirations of dating a square cause they make their head hurt. BUT if that’s something that you’re aiming for, you have to be open-minded: a liberal, so to speak. If you have too many biases, too many hang ups – “I don’t want to do that because of this, I’m straight on this because of that, I don’t want to talk about that, it’s too serious, I don’t want to afoirgoajgdnlknglkdgsnf” – take your “I don’t wanna” ass on to the next man. We want a woman that’s progressive. That’s going to challenge our views, expose us to ideas we may not have thought about, show us things we may not have seen, be able to DIALOGUE about any and everything – I mean, to reiterate, marriage is a long fucking time. So, be open-minded. Not just for your man, but for you. It will enrich your life.
6. Have a Sense of Humor
No one likes an uptight ass girl. As simple as that. If I can’t laugh with you . . . I won’t date you, let alone, MARRY your ass. I’m falling asleep just thinking about it.
If you don’t have a sense humor, get one. Or it’s pretty much tight on you. Unless you marry a uptight ass man, which zzzzz….zzzzz….zzzzz….zzzzz
“jerks awake wide eyed, wipes slober* my bad. I couldn’t help myself. The thought itself is a lullaby.
7. Be Strong-Willed
A man’s least favorite phrase is “I can’t” – I’ve dated a lot of women – and a lot of you mufucker’s favorite phrase just happens to be “I can’t”. I don’t even know what I can’t MEANS? I can honestly say, in my entire 25 years of life, I don’t think I’ve said this fuck ass phrase once. Ever. Why? Because it’s a fuck ass – weak ass phrase.
Ok, I’ve gotten that out of my system. Strong-willed.
We want a strong-willed woman because, simply put, it’s sexy. Nothing sexier than a woman that knows what she wants and goes out to get it. A woman who stands up for herself and won’t tolerate any amount of bitchassness. A woman who’s decisive. Woo!
I’m getting hot just thinking about it. Nothing sexier. A strong man wants a strong woman.
|She buff as FUCK
Well, there ya go, ladies. You’ve got the recipe. Now get on out there and BE somebody.
Join the Movement #SQUARES Unite