What’s goodie SQUARES! Back in late November at the beginning of cuffing season, Q Guru provided us with the Cuffing Season Survival Kit
which included items such as a yahmean, Hulu/Netflix account, condoms and several others. But in using this kit faithfully for the last month, I realized it was missing essential items for the ladies. We need a few more things to really survive these cold months. With that said…I’ve created an addendum to Q Guru’s Cuffing Season Survival Kit…
BOB (Battery Operated Boyfriend)
|You guys know Mr. Zucchini Head right? LOL
Ok ladies, if we follow Q Guru’s list to a T and we have that ONE yahmean in the phone that will come running at a drop of a dime to cake, sometimes we just don’t feel like being bothered. I mean God forbid YOU have to be the one getting up in the cold to GTD (Get the Drawls) that makes it super tight. Can’t be putting in THAT much effort for a yahmean! So this is where BOB comes in and saves the day. My BOB is named Dionte and I love me some him. He is hassle free and I’m guaranteed a happy ending 100% of the time. No man is even coming close to touching Dionte’s stats! LMAO! Contrary to what men believe, we ladies sometimes don’t want to be bothered with all the after sex BS either. With Bob, I don’t have to talk to him afterwards, I get the whole bed to myself AND I don’t have to play the “are you coming through” text game for 1-2 hours to get him to come over. I just bring him out to play and then 2-10 minutes later I’m good and off to bed. NICE!
Where would I be without that ultimate ass SAM’S CLUB pack of AAs? Well I guess I’d be calling that yahmean that I don’t feel like dealing with right off more often. Gross. Nobody has time.
Cuffing season Survivor tip: Energizer really does last longer. #JustSayin
A CLOSE friend just like YOU
|BFF through thick and lonely thin!
We all know the saying that misery loves company. Let’s say I’m sitting at the crib and its 10 degrees below 0. Don’t feel like hitting the yahmean, and I’m HULU’d and Netflixed out. Who I’m gonna call? MY BEST FRIEND who is in the same situation. We can be on the phone for hours talking about how fucking lame our friends who are married or boo’d up are and how we love our freedom. Then switch the convo to how we are sick of being single and how we should have hella options lined up trying to get over to chill with us. But since we have standards, we unfortunately have no options. And so on and so forth. Two-four hours later, I have tired myself out and will go to bed. Another scenario is to have a ladies night with some wine (or some 100 proof Vodka depending on how depressed we are feeling) and have the convo in person. Either way, another horrible day of cuffing season down and only 63 or so more to go. BUT WHO’S COUNTING?
A Membership to a FREE Online Dating Site
Now this could make or break you, so you have to play it right. This membership is only suppose to serve as a reminder that there’s nothing interesting out there anyway so you aren’t missing anything by being single. If a total creeper who wants to be spanked and farted on sends you a message, go ahead and read it to remind you that you can really do bad all by yourself! Now this can backfire on you if you start to feel like you are, IN FACT like one of the losers that hits you up on this site. Don’t think like that. Besides, someone just like you with something to offer might be on there and will hit you up. Next thing you know you have a yahmean to help you make it through the season.
Cuffing Season Survivor Tip: Use Tagged, Plenty of Fish and/or OKCupid.
A SEXT Buddy
Yep you read it right. Sometimes words go a long way and if you have a little buddy that you never see but always talk to, that might help you out a bit. You can have a little fun but don’t have to bother with getting up and getting pretty right off.
He can IMAGINE this….
Even though are you really looking like this…
|But it’s tight…LOL
This person is someone who ALWAYS responds in a timely manner! An inconsistent SEXT buddy is pointless. Who wants to send a “was thinking about how sexy you are” text to a guy that will respond the next morning after church? FOH with that! Like dude you late and I’m not even in the mood for that bull now. More importantly, even though it might be tempting, you cannot, I repeat you cannot Skype with this person. And trust me, your SEXT buddy will try but don’t fall for it! ONLY words….gchating at best. If you Skype that requires you to get dressed and pretty. Might as well hit the local yahmean for all that work YA DIG!
So there you have it folks…this completes D-Frankly’s addendum to Q Guru’s Cuffing Season Survival tips! We ladies need the extra stuff cause guys are OH SO SIMPLE sometimes!
Until Next Time Squares
Join the Movement #SQUARES Unite