**Disclaimer using my talking voice on this jaunt – grammar’s out the window.
Now that I’m 25, I guess I can no longer complain about turning 25. So . . . I’ma complain about turning 30. It’s right around the corner y’allll. Just think, how fast has time been flying since you got grown? Damn fast, right? Ya boy is staring at 26. TWENTY-SIX. Hot damn. There’s so much I haven’t done. And even more than I haven’t seen. It’s a got damn travesty. For this reason, the sheer wackness of thine life, I’ve decided to write a 30-year-old bucket list. Not that I plan to die, or anything, I just couldn’t think of anything better to call it. Shit, who knows? At the rate I’m going, I may fuck around and walk blindfolded into traffic by 30 – or tie a cinderblock to a rope that’s attached to my ankle and jump into a river – or douse my self in kerosene and throw a bonfire for my close friends and family, and – yeah, a bucket list may be appropriate.
There’s no rhyme or reason to this jaunt. I did absolutely NO preplanning. I’m just gonna come up with these babies on the fly. Hopefully you can relate so some of these jawns. Enjoy.
My 30-year-old Bucket List
1. Go Abroad
I’ve been wanting to go abroad since now and laters and chico stix . . . but for some odd reason, my ass didn’t study abroad – when the shit would’ve been damn near free. Fuck was I thinking? Wish I could go back and slap my 19-year-old self. Since I’m poor and grown – I’m thinking I’ll probably end up somewhere cheap – 3rd worldish (ish) – getting some culture.
2. Have a Threesome
This probably should’ve happened in college, but I was on trash. Once again, 19-year-old self * shakes fist *. Now I’m in a committed relationship, so it’s probably tight, BUT if my lady ever gives me the word — * grabs sack of condemns, lube, cuffs, whip, blindfold *, * does series of stretches * — I’m all for it.
3. Have a Foursome
Naw, I’m bullshittin.
4. Make Decent Bread Doing What I Love
You know, making it “BIG” would be great. It’d be awesome. It’d be a dream mufucking come true. BUT, ya boy is realist, so I’m just trying to be comfortable. 60+ stacks. I’m worth it. But, if you haven’t guessed by reading my posts, I think HIGHLY of myself. Like, if my head got any bigger, it’d crush my body; I’m my biggest fan. So, we’ll see.
5. Get Engaged
I don’t have to get MARRIED before 30, per se. That’s damn near out of the question. But, I’d like to at LEAST be with the woman I plan to marry no later THAN. I don’t want to be 30 like, damn . . . um . . . where my lady at? Catch ya boy on E Harmony and shit, like a sucka. I have to date someone at LEAST 3 years before I pop the question, too, so 30 is pushing it.
6. Get Back in School
This should happen as soon as next year, but if it doesn’t – whether I’m making bread or not, I want to go back to school. I’m a Square. I LOVE learning. I love meeting other academics. So yeah, it goes down.
7. See the USA – Go on a Road Trip
Americans be in such a rush to see the world sometimes, forgetting that a large chunk of the earth’s beauty lies within our very own back yard. I think it’d be fun to spend a week or two just traveling the country with a group of friends. In an RV or some shit.
8. Learn How to Surf
But first I have to learn how to swim.
9. Become a Sex Symbol
I’ve been talking about this for years. My deadline is actually this summer. Have to get my body ready for out west. It’s a got slam competition out there. Gotta be the best me I can be. But honestly, I just want to do it for my overall wellbeing. I don’t want to be an out of shape ass, ol “son grab ya Pa the remote” and I’m right next to it, ass, belly touching my knees when I’m sitting down, ass, I ain’t seen my dick since 2015, ass dude, when I get old. I want to be strong and healthy throughout my life. And that change needs to start now.
10. I Want to be Proud of Myself
This is probably the most important thing on my list. I have a lot of dreams. I do a lot of shit. But, I’m somewhat of a quitter. I give up easily. And I really want to change that. I want to be PROUD of myself. I want to look back over the past five years like, “Yo, I was WORKING. I was GRINDING. I really gave 120%.” Out of everything I listed, failing to scratch this baby off my bucket list would be — heartbreaking – to say the least. But that’s up to me.
Wish me luck, folks.
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