Circle of Squares – Blog Table: 25 going on 30
25 is a scary age for all of us. It’s the “you’re grown as hell” age. The “damn, a nigga’s getting old” age, the “oh schnap so and so’s engaged” age, or the “aw shit, ol girl’s pregnant . . . again” age, the “man . . . I really just struggled to get up them stairs age” and you’re slowly, but surely, reaching that “can’t nobody tell you shit”, “I get winded having sex”, “I got my first grey hair”, ” where the F did time go” age — dare I say it?
But how about we not think that far ahead.
All of us here at Circle of Squares are either staring 25 in the face, or are already 25 as helllllll
*cough* D Frankley *cough*.
So, we thought it’d be cool to take some time and reflect on what turning 25 means to us now, and what it meant back when we were youngins.
Well I’m not quite 25, and still have damn near an entire year to go. But at 24 I can still say that my life isn’t what I expected it to be at this point in time. As a shorty I thought I’d be doing THEE biggest shit in my life by now. Because when you’re young 25 seems grown as hell. Luckily once you’re out here in the real world though you realize that 25 is mad young and things don’t develop nearly as quickly as we thought they might. Which kind of sucks for people who are impatient, or weak willed, and tend to give up quickly. But for the rest of us with ambition and who still are working on achieving certain goals it’s a little comforting knowing we’re not quite the disappointments we started to think that we were. Or maybe that was just me lol.
Now I can’t say that my life is completely different than what I expected, because there are certain aspects that are dead on. Namely, marital status and having a family. I never really envisioned myself having kids before my 30’s, and didn’t see myself being married until my late 20’s at the earliest so those are looking like strong possibilities. But as far as my career path, location, and the money that I’d be making at this point in my life? Ehhhh, not quite where ya boy expected to be at this point. I’m still pretty early in the game so my career path could take a turn at any time, and I’m certain the money is going to come without a doubt. But the location is DEFINITELY an issue. I didn’t expect to still be in Minnesota at this point in my life. Honestly, I didn’t expect to be here past 18. I expected to be anywhere BUT here. A big city with beautiful women, and preferably a beach – and if not a beach give me somewhere that didn’t have Minnesota-like winters – and I was sold. Twice I planned to use college as my ticket out of this jawn, and twice things didn’t work out how I expected. So now I’m still here working in Corporate America, putting my winter coat and Polo boots on before work every morning.
But as much as things haven’t gone according to plan there’s still some bright spots, and mad potential for things to move upward in the near future. I’m one of the lucky few that didn’t have to struggle to find work after graduating from college, and none of us can realistically brace ourselves for that struggle and mental anguish. I’m comfortable enough financially to be able to help out my family, which was one of my biggest incentives to finish college, so that’s one thing that has gone according to plan. And on top of it all I’m surrounded by some very ambitious people that bring different skills and strengths to the table, and as a unit I’m confident we can make some big things happen. So although things have been unpredictable as hell up to this point, they could be a lot worse. So with a little less than 11 months to go before I turn 25, I have plenty of goals that I can work toward to get myself closer to where I expected to be.
25 and I Wish I Wasn’t Counting
I remember one time when I was in 1st grade and I asked my teacher how old she was…she said 25. OMG she seemed ancient! Like sign this bitch up for the nearest senior living community in Florida! Bring out the walkers and scrabble boards. Grab some viagra for her spouse! This biotch is old as hell. (insert record scratch) HOLD UP though! 25 ain’t that old! I’m still young as hell though I’m lightyears away from where I envisioned myself being when I was a teen. Ten years ago I thought anytime after 18 was fair game for kids and I should be married with a great career by 25. Now here I am at 25…and all that seems ridiculous! I’m still bewildered on how I got to 25. Coulda swore I was just waking up from a bad hangover on my 21st birthday yesterday (scratches head).
But moving on. Instead of focusing on all the things I’m not at 25 in a negative light…I’m gonna flip it and look at the glass half full! First off, glad I don’t got kids. I’m the stereotypical raggedy single person who worships the $1 menu and spends money I don’t really have on shoes, clothes, and liquor (and other recreational non pharmaceutical items lol). Can’t be doing that with kids! Secondly, regarding marriage: its tight. Being single I can do whatever I want without thinking “how will this affect my boo?” And a big HELLZ YEAH to that! (Lifts up shirt like I’m on Girls Gone Wild) Woo! Finally, while I may not have the perfect career at the moment, I got hella time to make one for myself. What I thought I wanted to do a year ago doesn’t even match with my current goals. So I was way off trying to predict what I’d be doing 10 years ago.
I’ve come to realize in my 25 years that I’m doing pretty damn good regardless. Thank goodness I was way off about being 25 ten years ago. Can you imagine where I’d be right now? I don’t even wanna think about it! Since I got 5 years of my twenties left I’m going to focus on living free and happy. This way by the time I settle down with kids, a husband, and a perfect career I will know that I got all the reckless living out of my system with no regrets!
Reflecting on the first ¼ century of life I can say things are looking up. When I was younger I never envisioned the life I have now. Seriously as a kid I had ghetto ambitions, especially in Jr. High, I had ambitions of having a chick, an apartment where she could roll my blunts and non-stop sex… Oh how far I’ve come in life since then. I THANK GOD that my life changed once I realized where football could take me. I’ll be 25 this September, a house, an apartment, with My Master’s Degree coming shortly in December and an abundant list of blessing on the way.
More importantly I’m learning who I am. I moved away from home, away from my foundation and I am learning how to root myself in new environments with new friends, networks, new habits basically a new everything. I’ve grown more than I could have imagined and I’m excited to see what else is in stored for me. I have trips planned, been to the motherland, had some of the best pizza, attended an HBCU, met some of theeee dopest; down to earth people you could ever wish to meet. I’m loving life and I am thankful for each opportunity.
Family status is what it is. At 18 I had thoughts of being married by now with at least 1 child, BUT now I realized that matters of the heart especially those concerning marriage and children don’t deserve time frames. I’ve pretty much put that to the back burner and put more emphasis in prepping myself for the time when I need to be ready for all of those things to take place. I remain a hopeful romantic but with these lack of “ties” and “responsibilities” I’m free to make better choices and take advantage of every opportunity before. So looking over the first ¼ century of my life all I can say is I’ve learned a lot and God’s been good.
25 . . . man . . . it’s wild to think about. I turn 25 in what, 7 months?
I’m definitely nowhere NEAR where I thought I’d be at this point. In a “perfect” world, I’d be working a full-time job doing something I love or be in Film School, I’d be living in a warmer climate, I’d have my own place, my own whip, perhaps a woman I was head over heels for, maybe even contemplating marrying . .
But, unfortunately, my reality is . . . kind of depressing to say the least. Because of our wack ass economy – god bless America – I’ve been working temp job after temp since I graduated from college, I can’t go to Graduate School until I’m 27ish (for various reasons), I’m STILL in fucking Minnesota, I live at home, I’m #TeamMetroTransit, and I haven’t even SNIFFED finding “the one.” It’s a got damn travesty.
That being said, I DO have a few things going well for me. All the free time being a bum has awarded me has really allowed me to focus on the things that actually give my life value. I’m working on my first Mixtape: Diary of a Real Nigga (shit’s about to be EPIC – stay tuned), I have a Web Series in the works: Post – Grad, starring myself and a handful of friends (EPIC as well, stay tuned), I’m working on two feature length scripts, this blog, my graphic design skills are really coming along — yeah, I just have a lot of little projects in the works. I have this incessant need to stay busy, keep working, and learn. Something’s bound to happen for as long as I stay focused. I was blessed with a slew of talents, and I feel obligated to hone them/ squeeze every bit of life out of them that I can.
A 24, I can honestly say I’m more aware of what I want—what I NEED out of life then I’ve ever been. Having duckets on top of duckets would be nice, but as long as I’m allowed to express myself, live comfortably, and be surrounded by people I love and that love me, I’ll be straight — and travel — see this beautiful world we live in, I’m good. I’m all about living for experience at this point. There’s so much MORE to life, than the clothes on your back, or the zero’s in your bank account, and it’s easy to lose sight of that.
Who knows, if I keep trudging away at my many passions, maybe one of them will become lucrative. That’s definitely the dream and to be honest, there’s absolutely no reason one of them shouldn’t because I’m a fucking beast at everything I do . . .
Yeah, I said it.
But if that never happens — I think I’m okay with that.
How do you feel about where you are at this point in your life? We’d love to hear about it. Leave your comments below.