This past Friday, I had the displeasure of attending MN’s beloved club, SoundBar. I then proceeding to go on a drunken rant on Twitter — I’m not proud of it, but hey. Don’t be wack and a nigga won’t have anything to rant about.
I decided to write this weeks FIVE segment on things that I feel — emphasis on I — would make MN more popping.
Let me know if you agree.
FIVE THINGS THAT WOULD MAKE MN MORE POPPIN’
1.We’ve all been irritated as shit by the borderline undrivability (TM) of University over the course of the last year. The shit’s fucking ripped to shreads from U of M campus to downtown Saint Paul. Businesses are struggling, a trip that once took 10 minutes, now takes 45, there’s virtually NO entrance to many of places we know and love — it’s a fucking mess.
That being said, the Twin Cities’ about to be more conveniently connected than ever before, which is kind of dope. Now, if downtown St. Paul wasn’t such a WASTE of a city, that’d actually mean something. Imagine if there were more places to kick it/ party in Downtown St. Paul. It’d make two very small cities seem more like one BIG one, which I don’t think any of us would be mad at.
So, basically — improve Downtown St. Paul — not gonna happen — but it’d benefit everybody if they did, nonetheless.
2. MN is Peach as fuck. We all know this. BUT #LowKey the Twin Cities is one of the biggest Melting Pots our nation has to offer — diverse as hell. Yet, you wouldn’t be able to tell this fact if you were to decide to have a night on the town. Our night life scene is largely dominated by Caucasians and Ratchets.
Since what constitutes ratchet is relative, let me clarify what ratchet is to ME:
Ratchet – (Adj/Noun) is the late 2000 term for Hoodrat. Characterized by baggy/ unkempt clothing (male) or extremely tight sequence dresses from Wet Seal (women), that cause them, ironically, to look a lot like wet seals. They like to start trouble, and can rarely go out without an altercation. They come in all shapes, sizes, and ethnic backgrounds.
Now don’t get me wrong. We ALL have a little ratchet in us. I’m probably bout 70 – 30, but once you start hovering around 50 – 50, I don’t know if I can fuck with you.
But I digress.
We need something in the Twin Cities where the grown, sexy, and educated can go have a good time consistently. Where the melting pot that is, the Twin Cities, can really be showcased in a classy manner.
As of right now. We damn near have nothing. Unless a party of some sort is thrown that attracts that crowd. Two times for my man, Dj Advance.
3. This may, in fact, be my biggest gripe with the Twin Cities. MUFUCKERS DO NOT DANCE. Why thee FUCK do you decide to go out, if you’re not going to dance? Seriously. If that’s the case, stay your ass at home. Be a club full of mufuckers staring at each other. The shit’s dumb.
The only time people DO dance is once they start getting slapped, which is usually around 1:15 — i.e. there’s only 45 minutes left to party — which brings me to my next point —-
4. This night being over at 2 a.m. shit needs to be stomped to death and never fucking revived. That’s literally when the night’s just gaining momentum. Be honest. How many of you mufuckers make it downtown by at last 12:30? Not many. We’re pregaming, getting dressed, trying to find a got damn cab, all that shit — then the night’s over an hour after you got where you’re going unless you decide to go somewhere to eat. Wack as fuck.
I say, don’t shut down until at least 4. That way, we can keep having a good time, and not have to leave at the PEAK of our drunkeness. If anything, just close the bar at 2.
5.Last, but not least, we need MORE things to do. How does this differ from number 1, you ask? Well, I’m not talking about more as in, more places to go. I’m talking more as in, a bigger variety. i.e. I can go over here and Pon de River, I can go over here and do the Humpty Hump, I can go over here and Vogue, I can go over here and Jerk/ get behind something soft, I can go over here and get my salsa on — I can go over here and have Erykah croon me something smooth — I can –You get the point. Yes, we have these options from time to time/ on certain nights, but the shit’s not half as consistent/ constant as it should be. We need variety.
What would make MN pop for you?
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