*Warning: This is my feminist side talking. So if you’re offended go smoke one and then come back. I’m sure you’ll find the comedy of it all later! But regardless I will not be apologizing for what is said. There!
|Ask me if I can cook ONE MO TIME! Go ahead…ASK!
Can I Cook? What a Stupid Arse Question!
So I gotta vent to all my lady SQUARES. I’m not sure WHY men love to ask us this (refer to title) stupid question all the time. They (with their cocky, slightly chauvinistic, women should worship the ground they barely deserve to walk on, my lady needs to replace my MAMA FACE HEADED ASSES) for some odd reason feel like a woman who can’t stand barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen cooking ham hocks and collard greens for their waste of space ass is somehow not worthy of the wifey title. GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE with that CRAP! Instead of asking me dumb shit like (insert dumb guy voice) “can you cook guh?” Why not ask me about stuff that really matters? Do I have mommy or daddy issues? Will I allow my girlfriends to determine what happens in our relationship? Can I pay my own bills or will I be expecting you to do so? What are my short and long term goals? etc! BUT NOOOOOOOOO! What really matters is if I can cook. THAT’S the deal breaker right there! That’s the thing that determines if I’m a “REAL” woman or not. (in Stewie from Family Guy voice) Do any of you hear yourselves talk? I might kill one of you tonight!
You mean to tell me that if you meet a great woman you might pass her up because she can’t make you baked mac and cheese? You’re a freaking idiot. Let me offer some reasons why you’re A DUMB ass if you let that one factor sway you from dating a great woman:
WHO THE CRAP DOESN’T Know the BASICS of Cooking?
Why are you even asking me if I can cook? Does it look like I’ve been starving? At the bare minimum I can at least microwave some shit so you’re not gonna STARVE if you’re dating me. For a good man, any woman will bust out with many skills she didn’t know or forgot she had. TRUST that one of these skills is COOKING! For the woman that is busy doing important shit like hmmmm lets see here…getting an education, working, taking care of and bettering herself…cooking home cooked meals everyday might come last. This is not to suggest that there aren’t women out there who LOVE to cook! I know plenty that love cooking and make meals for themselves every day. But in my mind this does not make her a BETTER woman or more of a KEEPER than the ones who don’t. WE ALL ARE KEEPERS regardless of whether or not we lack this SKILL. This brings me to my next point.
Cooking is a SKILL that can be LEARNED!
So you don’t wanna date a woman because she says she can’t cook? But she can learn how to cook. If you are used to “mamas down home cooking,” maybe when you guys get serious your mom could teach her a few of your favorite meals. And hopefully…(now take your time with this point and let it marinate)… you are attracted to women who can READ. (In my I’m pretending I’m doing sign language for emphasis voice) This means she can use a cook book to learn to cook and make meals for you. Dumb ass. Assuming you even DESERVE her efforts!
You can GET YOUR MARK ASS up and COOK TOO!
So let me get this straight? Once we get together you’re going to leave your life in MY hands by depending on me too cook for you all the got damn time? WOW! Since when did being a wife mean replacing your Mom? And shame on her for spoiling you so much that you’d rather still be sucking on her boob just to get a home cooked meal. FUCKING IDIOT! Don’t expect me to do what you can’t or may not be willing to do! So if you CAN’T cook, don’t expect me to! And if you can cook…then TEACH ME if it’s so GOT DAMN important. Asking a woman if she can cook is like women asking every man they meet if he can work on cars or fix stuff around website like this the house. Cause ALL OF US WOMEN know about 80% of you losers can’t fix a DAMN THING! Half of you mofos claim you fixing something and make it 100 times WORSE! Though for many women, a man’s inability to be “Mr. Fix It” does not make us think any less of him. So let’s cut the crap and stop putting dumb arse stereotypes on each other. I thought we got rid of those in 2012?
I suppose they say a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. But next time one of you ask me this FHA question I’ll be kicking you in that same place! (I’m so MEAN LOL) But seriously! Is there any way to a man’s heart through his brain? Oh yea never mind. I’ll answer my own question. Because when it comes to women you guys are all visual and barely use your brain….just your head. And when I say head I mean that attachment that you stick into everything. God forbid I have a hole in the wall….I gotta patch that shit up before one of you idiots walk into the room so my wall doesn’t get raped! (insert comedic drum roll) Yeah I said it!
So what’s my angry black woman point? lol 1. Cooking should not be a deal breaker on whether or not a woman is a keeper because we have WAY much more to offer to our MAN and the world besides home cooked meals. 2. How dare you men place 1950s ideals on us when so many women fought long and hard (that’s what she said) for YEARS to make sure we have the RIGHT to do SO MUCH MORE than domestic bullshit! 3. MEN stop asking us that stupid ARSE question. Do you honestly think that if we love you we’d let you starve? Imbeciles!
And I’m OUT!
Join the Movement #SQUARES Unite