10) Having double nicknames
|La La Vasquez, prime example of the double nickname.
What’s up with our infatuation with the double names? Are we not hearing each other correctly the first time? I will admit that it’s not just black folks, because I’ve run into a white person with the double nickname once. ONCE. Nonetheless it’s unacceptable, so Ray-Ray, John-John, and Shay-Shay gotta go.
9) Talk during movies or answer their phones in movie theaters
Y’all remember that scene from Scary Movie when the black girl was talking loud in the movie theater and all the people started stabbing her? That’s probably how people really feel when they’re in the movie theater with black folks. Black people somehow become the narrators for any movie they go to see. And you’ll always get that one person in the back of the theater that gets mad:
*angry white man voice* “Hey, will you shut the hell up! We’re trying to watch a movie here! Jesus Christ!”
*angry black woman voice* “Ughn Ughn! Who told me shut the hell up?!?”.
Then things get out of hand. Save the play-by-play commentary for the crib.
8) Rent to own EVERYTHING
Really, black people? You’re renting a lawnmower, a bunkbed, a tv, a dining room table, your washer and dryer, your car, your apartment, AND got this years and next years Christmas gifts on layaway? DeeZAM. On top of, god knows, how many credit cards?
Black folks, we have to stop with the overuse of credit and financing. I swear we’ll rent-to-own an entire living room set and only pay $5 a month on it. By the time you finish paying that off it’ll look like it’s only WORTH $5. Rent-to-own, Layaway, opening a tab at the strip club, all of it has got to stop. Let’s just do better and learn how to SAVE. You don’t need to own EVERYTHING right now. Act your wage.
7) Put less than $10 in the gas tank
Where are you GOING?!?! Down the street? Around the block? Gas is 3.50 a gallon. That shit was okay early 2000 — shit wasn’t even ok THEN to be real. Times have changed, people. In the long run you end up spending MORE money. Get it together. Or get a bike. Stop trying to fill up your gas tank with loose change.
6) Claim other people’s kids on their taxes
As inappropriate as this is I’m not mad at y’all for this because I’ve considered doing this as well. Even had my Ma Dukes ask if I wanted to claim one of my siblings this past year, but I wanted to act righteous and took the high road. Shame on me. I’m all for getting over on Uncle Sam whenever possible. You just better hope this doesn’t come back to bite you in the ass, and Uncle Sam hit you with the Riley Freeman:
| “You gon pay what you owe!”
That’s how n!ggas end up on the run for tax fraud like Wesley Snipes.
5) Have people clock-in at work for them when they aren’t there on time
We all know black folks are late to everything, and work is no exception. We have a system though, it’s called “You Scratch My Back, I Scratch Yours”. Here is how the text conversation goes among black coworkers:
Coworker #1: “You at work?!?!”
Coworker #2: “Yeah, I see you ain’t though smh”
Coworker #1: “Yo just clock me in, and then you can leave early and I’ll clock you out!”
Coworker #2: “Coo!”
Quick and easy. Everybody is happy, everybody gets a full paycheck, and most importantly, everybody gets to keep their job.
4) Opening lines of credit in their child’s name
This is by far one of the most ignorant things you can do. You’re credit is fucked up, so you choose to fuck up your child’s credit before they even have a chance to fuck it up themselves? Just ignorant. Do better. Simple as that.
The typical waiting game conversation:
Driver: “I’ll be there in five minutes”
Impatient Friend: “Aiight fam”
Impatient Friend: *checks watch* “Where you at fam?”
Driver: “My bad I’m down the street.”
*10 minutes later*
Impatient Friend: *looks out window* “I’m gettin’ impatient.”
Driver: “I’m outside fam.”
Impatient Friend: “No, you’re not. I’m looking out the window.”
*5 minutes later*
The moral of the story: Black folks have their own perception of time. We’d be late to our own funerals if it was possible. Punctuality is nonexistent in black culture.
2) End up on the news
This one could be number one by default, because most inappropriate things we do ultimately lead to news coverage/ bad press — which in turn usually leads to prison. Even if we’re just on the news as a witness we still don’t know how to act. Overly animated, broken English, things just start going downhill fast. I know y’all remember Antoine Dodson, while he was talking about “Hide ya kids, hide ya wife…” somebody shoulda been hiding his Sonic the Hedgehog looking ass. I propose the idea of having an Urban Translator every time black folks are on the news, just to protect us from ourselves, and to get our message across in the most articulate way possible. We make a mockery of ourselves on a daily basis, we don’t have to do it on a national stage too.
All jokes aside, we bring each other down entirely too much. We hate on each other more than any other demographic. We don’t support each other. We don’t want see nobody winning, or succeeding. For some reason this is a threat to our very being. This is truly the most out of line thing we could do. How strong would our community be if it wasn’t for hating — for envy? Think about it.
For some reason black people seem to be infatuated with fighting. If a fight breaks out black folks will be the first ones running to get a front row seat. After high school you’re too grown to be fighting, let alone being excited to sit and watch a fight. Do better.
Ice grill/mean mug in pictures
Fellas, why is it such a crime to smile when the cameras flash? Who are we upset with? Ladies like charm, smiles play into that, so take advantage. Let’s loosen up a little bit.
Talk loudly in public
Black folks are entirely too loud. We don’t know the difference between an inside voice and an outside voice, some of us like to use our outside voices at all times. Even worse some of us like to do this while we’re on our phones in public. Everybody doesn’t want to hear your conversation, not to mention they tend to be inappropriate, and at times incriminating. Shut that sh!t UP.
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