Venus vs Mars – When Taking a Break Goes Wrong . . . or Right

When Taking a Break Goes Wrong…or Right: The RNS Discussion 

To cheat or not to cheat? That has been the undying question for decades. This simple question or act can make or break a relationship in the short and long run. Recently, I’ve been hearing about a lot of folks cheating and fucking up their relationships OR folks cheating and for some odd reason that made their relationship stronger. No matter how much you love someone, being with that person for 10, 20, even 30 or more years, they’re gonna get boring and tiring…lets be real. 

You mean to tell me you can be with someone for that long and had never thought or wanted to see what else was out there? Even if it was just for one night? So I began to think… with everyone complaining of folks cheating (male and female) can a relationship or even a marriage last 10 or more years without any cheating? Would this make or break your relationship? Could taking a break (like in the movie Hall Pass) do the relationship some good because it could potentially avoid the potentiality of cheating? After pondering for an ultimate long ass minute I decided to get a second opinion….I asked fellow blogger Q Guru what he thought. The convo was so great we decided to share!

D Frankly: Hey let me ask you a question. Do you think it’s possible to be married for longer than 20 years and never had cheated? Both the male and female.

Q. Guru: That’s a big question. I would like to say it is possible, yes. But this day and age it seems like a long shot.Why do you ask?

D Frankly: I was just wondering about it. Cause when I get into a relationship will I expect him to have been 100% faithful to me when we are old and gray…Would it be ok to take a break every now and then? Like every 10 years or something lol?

Q. Guru: I feel that, and that’s the expectation that you should have. That’s just self respect at the end of the day. I guess a break is something that y’all can discuss, and if y’all are both comfortable with it then get it in. My whole thing is how long would the break be? Because giving a man a week off like that movie Hall Pass ain’t necessarily going to guarantee that the man worked all of his desires out of his system. If the break is too short it could just be like a tease to him and he’d still be unhappy.

D Frankly: Right.

Q. Guru: The main thing is that the break he takes needs to fill the void. Because otherwise it will only lead to him feeling like he wants to continue living that single life. I think something like that may be able to work though. Depending on who the two individuals are and how much they really want to make their marriage work from that point forward. Because the break can make both of you realize things that you aren’t offering each other but that you wish you were getting because whoever y’all hooked up with during the break was providing it to you. And y’all both would have to be willing to hear each other out and genuinely try to provide those things so ya’ll can be happy.

D Frankly: Right.

Q. Guru: I’m a love guru out here LMAO.

D Frankly: Or you may find that there is no one to hook up with on your break and you really ain’t missing nothing. LMAO! Q. Guru got all the answers son! lol

Q. Guru: LMAO! Nah you right though, that is a possibility as well.

D Frankly: Idk….I’m all about freedom though. But at the same time I can be jealous and all that jazz too…so i don’t know how I would feel about it.

Q. Guru: I understand what you’re saying 100% because I like my freedom as well, which is why I ain’t really on settling down right now. And I’m not really the jealous type at all, I don’t sweat much. But once I commit to something it gets real and what’s mine is mine, and I don’t take lightly to no other man being on what’s mine. So I don’t know if I would be able to handle the thought of that. Even if I went and got it in with, as you would say, a GAZILLION women on our break.

D Frankly: You would be mad if she got it in with one? Even if you got it in with 20? That’s no fair!

Q. Guru: I wouldn’t be mad at her, I’m just saying it would bother me. That’s mental anguish picturing another man pleasing your woman. Especially when you know who the man is specifically. Puts you on the cusp of going into a rage whenever you see him.

D Frankly: Really? Wow…Cause for me if I saw a chick I would just think “that bitch don’t got it like me. So oh well!” LMAO! j/k j/k No I totally understand. It can be bothersome.

Q. Guru: Lol nah I feel you, but at the same time sex is a lot more emotional for women than it is for men. So it means a lot more for a woman to give herself to a man than for a man to have sex with a woman. Now I know that’s not ALWAYS the case, but the majority of the time it is. Like I said men are scavengers, borderline always on the prowl. So for a man to have sex with a woman, depending on who the man is, really might not mean anything at all to him. As trifling as that sounds. Sometimes it may just be physical. Sometimes he may just not have had none in a while and he needed to get his and had to get in where he fit in.

D Frankly: I think men fail to realize that women can fuck without feelings too and often times they do. It only gets emotional when we actually like you. Lol I mean that’s how it is for me anyway.

Q. Guru: But see that’s just it, when you do “the do” enough times generally they do start to like you. Especially if they ain’t having sex with anybody else.

D Frankly: I mean I’m not one for casual sex…most of the guys I gtd with I actually liked. But with some it was just gtd…period. And if I was on a break trying to just bang somebody new…I wouldn’t want to gtd with someone I could see myself liking. I would have to be like “I dont’ like this guy. I will never like this guy”, and I slept with him more than once and I still didn’t like him. Lol Works for me! Now if your wife can find that guy on her break…then you’ll be good! LMAO!

But you right though, women do get emotionally attached. So if guys know that …why do they keep going forward with it knowing they’ll hurt someones feelings?

Q. Guru: LOL! Yeah IF she finds that guy then everything would be gravy. BUT I still wouldn’t be able to know who the guy was. You know what maybe I would be able to handle it since I’ve gotten a lil older, but I know in the past that wouldn’t have been an option. But dudes do it for the same reason that females know that they’re falling and don’t stop it themselves: Comfort.

D Frankly: LOL you be out here punching niggas at Walmarts and shit! LOL Damn!

Q. Guru: That’s why people always go back to their ex’s and get it in and it takes a long time before they actually sever ties. It be that person that you know you can get it in with, that you can please and be pleased  and don’t have to deal with the process of breaking the ice, getting comfortable and learning what they like.

D Frankly: Right right. Ultimate ass comfort. Be wanting to meet new people on the low. But meeting people is a fucking task my dude!

Q. Guru: Oh no doubt! Both parties be wanting to meet new people and find that replacement, but finding the replacement takes time, and you can never know for sure how long that is going to take. Nobody wants to have to be the person that ain’t had none for 6 months to a year because they burnt that bridge with their ex and been trying to find a new “yahmean” unsuccessfully

*conversation becomes irrelevant*

Final Words:

D- Frankly:
I personally think that in theory I would be down for these scheduled breaks. The benefits of the break could be three fold 1. You could do whatever you want as if you were single and not feel guilty about it. 2.You could see what you were “missing” (if anything) in the single life. 3. You can simply take a break from having the burden of worrying about how your actions affect your mate. But while all that is good in theory, the cons of taking a break could be even worse. 1. You could find that when you took a break you like your life better that way. 2. You could fall for the person who only was supposed to be your break jumpoff, and 3. You’d be in a relationship waiting for your next break! The list of pros and cons could go on and on.
Also, as a woman I gotta keep it GAZILLION with myself and remember that I just don’t fuck for fun like niggas do. So if I’m on a break I have to really choose my break jumpoff carefully (if that’s what I chose to do on my break). Cause I don’t need to come back from my break having feelings for 2 niggas! I mean that’s just asking for trouble. So my break jump off would have to be the most boring lamest, unappealing beyond sex nigga on earth (and trust they DO EXIST!). Then what about his break jumpoff? First off she can’t have the title of a mafuckin’ “yahmean.” Jumpoffs only! The bitch better not be prettier than me! He better not like it so much he wants to go back AFTER the break, AND she better not be looking for a relationship after the break cause that just starts a whole heap of trouble!
I have more but I suppose with all those damn stipulation like rules what’s the fucking point of
the break now? LMAO!

Q. Guru:  
I also believe that I would be with the idea of taking breaks every so often if my hypothetical wife presented it to me. In all honesty I just can’t see myself passing up on the opportunity to have my cake and eat it too. Yeah…not realistic at all. I’ll have my cake, eat it, and get FULL! What can I say, I’m a man *shrugs*. On the other hand I know that this scenario isn’t ideal. But after being with someone for 10+ years things can become bland or routine, and if me and my wife ain’t doing the nasty as often as we used to then I can assure you that I’ll be itching for some stimulation. I’m very capable of keeping my emotions in check, so I’d be able to find a “yahmean” with the sole purpose of sexual pleasures. The problem is, after being with someone that long your desires are bound to be more than just sexual.
So how do you keep yourself from being intrigued by a woman who may enjoy partaking in some of the same hobbies as you when your wife does not? Or will sit and watch the game with you, and your wife won’t? Or she’s a bomb ass cook, and your wife can’t make shit but a grilled cheese? Or that little trick that she does when she flips upside down and…nah never mind. Are those the most important things in the world? No, not at all. Nonetheless, when that’s something that you haven’t had for years – if you’ve ever had them at all – it can be something that you don’t want to give up. So it will take a very strong-minded person to accept that those aren’t things that his significant other is providing him, but still be able to re-commit to the marriage 100% once the break is over.

With that said, I think I’d be able to handle it still. As long as my wife is willing to hear me out when I explain the things that I feel are missing from our marriage. And I would be willing to do the same. I know damn well I’m not perfect, so she might come back with a laundry list of things that she needs from me too. And I’m fine with that, as long as she’s still going to hold me down. We can work to improve our marriage one day at a time. Until the next break. Ha!
Glossary of Words (LOL)
1. Yahmean– A “yahmean” is a boo of sorts. They are the first you call on your list of booty calls. They
are number one until someone better comes along unless you come to the conclusion that they are relationship material. Every now and then you might do something outside of the hours of 10pm-2am, but those are the primary hours of your interaction.
2. GAZILLION– This term is used to express the realness of a statement beyond the typical 100%. “I keeps it 100!” “Well fuck you son, cause I keep it GAZILLION!” It also can be used to express unrealistic amounts or quantities.
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