Venus vs. Mars: R.E.S.P.E.C.T. (w/ guest blogger @SpannishMoss)

Can we really help ourselves?


This week for Venus vs. Mars we caught up with a fellow Square and Blogger, @SpannishMoss. But, instead of giving y’all a rundown of what was discussed, I’m going jump right into the conversation. She posed a series of interesting questions . . . 

( I apologize for the f’d up formatting, Blogger is giving me all types of issues right now.)


Venus vs.  Mars Respecting your Significant Other

@SpannishMoss: So do I need to make an introduction? I dunno, I guess .. For namesake just call me Mony. Most people do … I’m the curious type. Where most of the time I just ask whatever question pops into my head. Is that always a good thing? Probably not, but whatever, I am who I am.

The topic I wanna open up for discussion is the respect & disrespect that can/does happen in a relationship and if it’s even preventable. Is it simply black & white when it comes to certain things in a relationship? If you give him a few inches will he try to get away with a whole foot?

What about porn? I mean I know some things work for one relationship but that doesn’t necessarily mean it will work for YOUR relationship but is there a line that should just not be crossed?

Going through emails? Porn? “Liking” scantily clad females pictures.. And in saying that these may be females he knows or he doesn’t know. That he may have actually met in real life and those he 9 times outta 10 will never meet. Does that matter? All the female relationships he maintains and has. That particular female he’s labeled “sister”? I mean, that’s a bluff in itself a lot of the time( probably, possibly.. It is ). How do you stay sane, comfortable & confident in your relationship?

@MicRNS: Well . . . lol . . . I’m the type of person that needs his lady to not trip over stupid shit. By stupid shit, I’m referring to stuff they have no business being insecure or mad about. 

For ex. Say your man stumbles across a picture of a generic fat bottom on facebook. Just a random ass pic someone random put up of someone random with a random fat bottom. He should be allowed to “like” the picture. Why not? It’s a fat bottom. They’re wonderful.

We all seen this surface on Facebook . . . Wonderful

That being said, there are rules that every man must abide by in terms of in terms of “liking” a picture. If he wishes to not be stabbed and/or maimed by his lady.

Say it’s a pic of your homegirl scantily clad, or his ex scantily clad — shit — anybody y’all KNOW scantily clad, and he “likes” it. THAT’S disrepectful. It’s too close to home. It’d be like you liking a picture of his boy with no shirt on. The ninja would be mad.

OK. So as far as porn goes . . . I, personally, don’t feel like a woman should care whether their man watches porn or not, UNLESS it interferes with their sex life. I had a homegirl who’s man was a porn ADDICT, the shit interfered as hell with their sex life. But I also know girls who watch the fuck out of porn themselves, so like you said, it really depends on the relationship. As far as I’m concerned, what she don’t know won’t hurt her

 *grabs Jergens bottle* 

*opens in new tab*.

Caught red handed, Dog.

Now the lady friend woopty bam is a toughy because sometimes your man can be up to no good. It really depends on how well you know your man. I had to ride on one of my ex’s because she told me to choose between her and one of my closest friends who happened to be a lady — it got tight. 

1. Don’t hit me with the ultimatum 
2. I been knowing her longer than you.

I rns believe men and women can JUST be friends. The shit exists. If it bothers you. Make an effort to befriend the girl yourself. If your man has a problem with it, they’re obviously more than friends.

@SpannishMoss: Ok so you say that girls and guys can RNS JUST be friends. But I know a couple of my friends who have pretty much just let me know that they’d love to “wife” me up, but respect my relationship. I don’t feel that I’m being disrespectful but I don’t know if I’d be cool with him being friends with girls who low key are lurking in the back knowing he’s a good guy and not minding having a chance at that, IF things don’t work out with us. 

Just friends my arse!

I mean how honest are we really with our significant other? Doesn’t that matter? Which then makes me feel hypocritical…

-_- I hate that…

I think I tell my bf more than he tells me. But that’s just who I am. No comparison I just like being honest.

I feel like the base of a relationship HAS to be honesty, But again, my question is there such a thing as TOO much honesty? 

I let my boyfriend know when people try to talk to me..I refer to it as “harassing” because it gets annoying as fugg. I don’t necessarily have a reason as to why I tell him I guess that’s just who I am.  But there have been instances where I expect the same honesty from him he acts oblivious to knowing what flirting is and I gotta call the bluff. Isn’t flirting universal knowledge?

@MicRNS: Hmm . . . now this is my personal opinion . . . but I believe COMPLETE honesty can hinder a relationship. Your significant doesn’t have to know everything.

For instance, dude’s being after you. Your man doesn’t necessarily need to know that. I mean, it’s a given. Just like you having to assume that some of your man’s female friends may be attracted to him . . . these things are completely out of your hands; it’s human nature.What matters is how the two of you react to these outside influences. It’s all about boundaries.

My homegirl can like the fuck out of me, as long as she doesn’t act on it and I don’t act on it i.e. we both respect I’m in a relationship. 

Same goes for my lady. She can have a million dudes on her jock, friends included, as long as she doesn’t allow herself to be chopped up i.e. allow them to think they have a chance.

It all comes back to being secure. Each party knows when they’re doing something they have no business doing or acting a way they have no business acting. Respect your partner. 

playa. playaa.

To be secure in your relationship, you have to trust your man. You have to truly believe that he wouldn’t have you fucked up. It starts with communication. If something’s bothering you that he does — if you’re feeling disrepected, voice it.

Or else, how would he ever know?

And don’t bitch at the ninja:

“why you liking bitches pictures on Facebook? You ain’t like my picture? My ass aint fat?” 

“what you doing going out to eat with your “homegirl”? Sound like a date to me. Why I couldn’t come?”

Fuck all that. 

Bring it to him civilized and you’ll get a civilized response. Don’t make the man feel guilty from jump because  he’ll get defensive, then you’ll question everything the ninja says, and just like that — foundation fucked up.


So what do you guys think?

Valid not valid? Who do you side with?

We’d love to see you guys chime in with your thoughts and/or stories that relate to this idea of respect.

Let’s get a young debate going. 

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