This is a new segment I’ll kick-off that discusses the challenges of being a good guy or gal in a society which undermines all such attempts.
I know for some it will be laughable…
Reader: “Ha, good guy in this world, you can’t? You must be Crazy”
Los: “You’re absolutely correct about one thing, I am crazy”
Maybe this may segment will evolve to into a rant space for good guys and gals to complain about the struggle of having morals, beliefs and values in a society where anarchy, lust and immorality is flirted with daily.
Hopefully, this segment evolves into something more useful and beneficial to everyone with people leaving comments on how they move through a room full of vultures and stay in tuned with their soul.
I don’t want to start off too heavy but I’ll begin with “Networking”
I know on the surface it doesn’t seem like a negative dark world but for me and those people in the world like me it is a difficult one to navigate.
Until recently I never had difficulties networking but all of these were academic or professional conference, venues or business type settings. I do not want to sound crass but those settings are jungle gyms compared to the real world networking life. I’ve been frequenting a few spots around town where people in my field or adjacent fields hang out. My time at most of these spots is only to network, mingle and be a well-known face.
In doing so I’ve realized I cannot really enter into these circles as I would have if the settings were one of the aforementioned. Here are a few of the reasons I believe to be holding me back.
I do not drink AT ALL. Some men question other men that do not drink and that’s a fair prejudice because it is common practice for all men to sip some type of drink but for me I’m that guy that does not drink. It never fails as I will be in mid conversation soaking these older folks up with my knowledge of the field, the current trends and my ambitions and it doesn’t fail, the ring leader offers to buy me a drink. Not just any drink but a DRANK…LIQUOR, ALCOHOL
For most it is a no brainer like yeah let me get a cognac, rum n coke, or cranberry vodka, chardonnay, moet, ya know.. The usual go-to’s for socializing events but I do not have a go to. I honestly tried ordering some virgin drink and was halted mid-order by the guy that offered as he told me he is only buying DRANKS, I’d have to get my own juice.
(I ordered two just to give him a quick middle finger #POW)
But back in the groove I have single-handedly built up the conversation and single-handedly destroyed the conversation. Once I mention I don’t drink and dispel all overtly obvious reasons such as no I’m not Muslim, No I’m not allergic, no not for religious reasons but simply I just don’t drink.
But after the whole spiel has ended conversation is no longer about me, the guys start leaning back away from the circle I had going and all of a sudden I’m ostracized because of a calculated choice not to consume alcohol. It has even gotten to the point where some folks are cordial with me but when it comes down to really talking business and discussing my involvement they shy away from the conversation as if I’m not down but I digress.
On to the final piece of networking that hurts me.
Discussion about women…
This one gets me more often than drinking and it is a terrible one at that.
More often than not when I’m mingling and networking with local professionals it never fails because the conversation about women always comes up. Men talk about women just like women talk about men. Now I get what I get because these are relaxed social settings and one is to expect conversation about women to come up especially when alcohol and women are present.
Except this isn’t just any ole discussion about women this is usually some deep, twisted discussion about women. The kind of talking that shouldn’t happen in public places or at least as I thought prior to the big boys field of networking.
Don’t get me wrong because I can talk about women for days, I mean I love them. They’re beautiful and full of chocolaty, caramel, mocha, honey, butterscotch and golden Oreo goodness and those simple things I can discuss. I will talk for hours about the beauty of a woman or the things I enjoy about women BUT I will not have a conversation with complete reckless demonizing of women. Hearing some of these conversations make my skin crawl because I wasn’t raised to reduce women to erotic sex toys.
I can and I do and have but never in mixed company and only around the best of friends who know I’m better than a moments excerpted thoughts. I find it flat out wrong in the first place to make private banter a public commonplace but I find it even more troubling when some of these men are married.
That is what really makes it uncomfortable for me because I respect the sanctity of marriage much more than most. A married man shouldn’t offer words of constant sexual descriptions of other women. I understand you throw a couple out there because we are sexual beings but consistency is a disgusting sore on your soul. I usually find myself going from the forefront of conversation and talking to the background quiet and anti-social when the conversation shifts downward.
Again this leads to questioning of first my manhood or my “instinctiveness” with women which is laughable because everyone who knows me knows I adore the ladies but I’m tactful and respectful on how I discuss and deal with women. There is no real seconding in this one because I’m usually with at least one person that vouches but I am ostracized again because of my failure to engage these brothers on something close or important to their circle of buddies.
Now I’m double-whammied out here in these streets because I don’t drink and I don’t call women bitches, hoes or openly fantasize about chicks who walked into the room in the same manner or better than they do. So I’m essentially stuck at a point of perimeter. Most of the professionals I want to get into contact with are kept at a distance because of my reluctance to get involved in all of their activities. This is unfortunate because of the distance but I’m not really complaining about it because I’m proud of where I’m at and I’m sure I’ll be just fine without their help but it is alarming to me as I’m just entering the dynamic world of big boy networking.
These things definitely prohibit my full access to the circle and the things they are down with but since I’m connected to a higher power I know my path is ordered. I know these things are limiting me because some people with less than ideal qualifications have been able to partner up and get to work with these people because they are all the way down.
Don’t get me wrong this happens but not everyone in the group is a pervert or alcoholic so I do have access but the settings and venues I’ve been a part of recently have had more of the mentioned scenarios than the ones where I’m around my moral equals.
Indeed this is a documented struggle of a good guy but I won’t complain…
Like almost all other things in life… Being a good guy comes with its benefits and its disadvantages.
This I can live with because the reward of being a standup guy or as my old coach use to say an ALL THE TIME GUY, when no one is looking and you can’t get caught will you still do the right thing.
I’m not perfect
I’m just an all the time guy meandering through the wilderness of an indecent society.
Please comment if you have similar encounters or different ones that relate to your struggle of being a good guy or gal in an indecent world.
“Let us not become weary in doing good; for in due time, we will reap if we faint not” Galatians 6:9