BLOG TABLE: With or Without Kids? An Accomplishment or Failure
Recently we came across a friends status on Facebook sharing her frustrations with people who list all their goals and end it by saying “…and I did all this without having kids” and how she takes offense to it. She remind her followers that children are a blessing and you not having one is NOT an accomplishment. With that said, CoS began to wonder: Do you view not having kids by now an accomplishment or failure? See our thoughts below. And don’t be afraid to leave a comment or two expressing your thoughts.
I pondered on this for a minute and realized I’m definitely one of those people who USED to view not having children at this point in my life as an accomplishment. But as you get older (especially for women) it goes from being an accomplishment to your failure as a women to produce an heir to your legacy. In addition to this…props should definitely be given to those folks (men and women) who have had kids young and still accomplished many things. But on the flip side, can my friend (who has a kid by the way) really blame non kid having folks for saying the above mentioned statement when many of them may come from a background where folks start having kids at 14? And with all the options one has nowadays (PRO-CHOICE ROCKS) no one is forced to have children if they do not want to. Plain and simple. We can’t knock people for their choices, and it goes both ways. People who have children can’t be mad that people who don’t have children are happy about this fact. Maybe they just got lucky, or maybe they have had to make some difficult decisions along the way. On the other end, people who don’t have children cannot constantly tear down our parent peers because they decided (whether they were ready or not) to be a parent.
Yeah, she’s trippin. We’re 25. That’s still young, jack. It’s a BIG ass accomplishment for me to not have a kid right now. Especially since I see my peers taking “L’s” left and right.. I suppose if I was better EQUIPPED to care for child i.e. had a good job, a woman I planned to marry — really, stability in general — maybe I’d feel differently. But under my current circumstances, having a child would be the biggest mistake I’ve ever made: cataclysmic. To be honest, I probably won’t have a child until I’m around 32. Kids are baggage; they hold you back. I don’t care what any parent says to the contrary — how many things CAN’T you do because you have a child? I’ll wait . . . exactly. I’m thinking by 32, I should be stable and ready to settle down. Like a parent should be.
That being said, I believe I’m “mentally” prepared to have a child. Like if it was to accidentally happen — it wouldn’t be the end of the world. I mean, it’s probably the portion of my life that I’m looking forward to most. Real shit.
To be real it is neither an accomplishment or failure to have kids but me not having kids before I am ready is surely an accomplishment, not very note worthy because that is what I am supposed to do but an accomplishment nonetheless. But in the context of the world we live in NO ONE UNDER 28 and not married in any group I know of are planning children right now. People need to admit most families are started by mistake. You don’t need to be married to plan a child but it is rare for a single person to desire kids before marriage, but it is out there. I will not say the child is a mistake because I agree children are always a gift but not making the mistake of having children before you are able to raise them properly is an accomplishment. Especially in this hyper-sexual hyper-unprotected sex generation we live. So I’m proud not having children right now and accomplishing my goals. Because the timing would be a mistake not the child.
Personally, I view it as an accomplishment. But not necessarily because of my age, more so because of all of the things I’ve yet to experience and accomplish. I am a very ambitious and goal driven individual — a dreamer if you will. And although you can still accomplish plenty as a parent, you have to work twice as hard — and even harder if you’re a single parent. The vision I have for myself is already difficult to fulfill, so having a child before I get to that point is only adding one more hurdle in front of me.
Until Next Time Squares