Ok squares… Brace yourselves there is a lot to learn!
FIRST you reach into her hair and get that wrist wrapping motion down where you grab an entire handful and slightly……. Wait… wrong blog… cough cough…
THE DREADED or BELOVED FRIEND ZONE… *cues 20th century fox orchestra sound*
NOW IT IS TIME TO BRING A WHOLE LOT OF TRUTH TO THE SUBJECT from A MAN’s PERSPECTIVE.
I know many people out there always find themselves in the dreaded friend zone with that one cute such and such from class, work, organization, church or what have you BUT ya never intended on being there. Honestly, you probably fantasized about this person a whole week before talking to them but after two dates the dreaded I think we should just be COO or I’m not really looking for that conversations start to happen. Now to be honest I cannot begin to speak on why women friend zone men; yes I have my own philosophy which is true BUT that’s less important than the absolute truth on why MEN friend zone WOMEN…
I know what you are thinking
“MEN DON’T FRIEND ZONE WOMEN”
And I’d laugh and say…
“Well you’re a damn lie. HA”
Let me explain.
See when a man friend zone’s a woman it is hilarious… H A HA HA… sorry little flashback
But men generally friend zone women based on three HEAVY in your face reasons…
*what you are about to read IS RNS approved and is not sugar coated in anyway…*
NUMBER 1: PHYSICAL ATTRACTION
Now I don’t want to lie to my female squares out there because that’s just wrong and I appreciate honesty so let me break it down to you like this. Attraction in the context of friend zoning for men is broken down into three categories.
The Truth… meaning “baby you really ain’t that cute.” Many women have overstated and overestimated their physical attractiveness. I know we live in a society where somebody want everybody but let’s be real here not too many people care about being friend zoned by someone that is a 4. We are talking big leagues here and that’s 8, 9 and 10 ranges.
I know what your friends told you, that you are all this and all that but let us be real. When a man friend zones you- you usually fall into that 5-6 range. (Explained later) I know what you might be thinking…
“Well I think I’m at least 7.6”
Well we admire that …but your perception of you and our perception of you can be mutually exclusive. SO truth be told if WE think you are a 5-6 then dammit you’re a 5-6 to US.
OPINION’S MATTER: As you can see our perception of you is what matters not what you, your homegirls or your ex thought; each man is independent of the rest and one’s thinking you’re an 8 doesn’t mean the next will think you’re an 8 too.
Also, let me stress the importance of a man’s discretion and view of his self. “Ideal self” is the catalyst for a lot of our discretionary moves. We tend to friend zone women we think we can do better than.
Yes it is harsh but REAL, we often look at someone who is in the early courting, dating stages that we are about to friend zone and say… (Subconsciously) I feel like I can do better than her. I know I know it’s not nice but hey it’s an honest thought. We see you and (back to first point) think she’s COO but she’s a 5-6 and instantly we’re like…YEaaaaa I can do better than this right here SAWRY! How do we determine if she is a 5-6… well lemme tell you
Ratios, Formulas and stuff we don’t really understand:The last piece of attraction we have somewhat identified but can’t really explain is physical formulas. I’m talking your face and your body score. This is probably one of the most superficial things (YOU SAY) we look at but to a man this really means a lot. I’m not going to go into detail because my fellow square @dreadywinslow will write a completely different blog about this abstract topic.
But in short understand that because you have a really fine face and sticks for a frame could possibly put you in the friend zone. *shrugs*
NOW with the attraction reasons over it is important to note that as a man matures the attraction piece also matures and definitions of beauty and opinions and ratios become less influential in our decision process as the next two reasons become more dominant more so the later than former.
Number 2: HISTORY
Now for some history doesn’t always come to mind but please understand that a woman’s history means more to a man than one might think. We have to keep it real as I am a proponent of doing so; so let us break history down a little more so you better understand what I’m getting at.
History for the most part has two components; our childhood/friendship history and your past extra-curricular activities.
For childhood/friendships it is hard for a guy to view a girl he has grown up with since his youth as a potential love candidate. I know some guys are on the fence with this one and some guys are strictly no on this one. I’m on the strictly no basis. Women I have grown up with via school or church are absolutely friend zoned. Most of them have never been seen through my eyes with a non-platonic lens. As for other men the feeling is the same it is hard to visualize someone from back in the day as more than just friends. Even though some of you would be good for some of us men but some boundaries and lines should not be crossed.
The other less noble history has to do with a woman’s past relations(hips). As a man we pride ourselves on having an exclusive woman. The truth about your past can disable all possibilities of us “talking”. To a lot of men this can come in the form of truths; either we know you been with a lot of guys or you have dated too close to the friend circle for us to legitimately give you a fair shot. Many men and women find it distasteful to date someone that has been with one of their close friends or someone who frequents their group of friends enough to make things awkward.
A sub-piece to this is the dynamic of perception and rumors. If you are one of those girls in college with a ton of guy friends and no girls that are cool with you… we kind of give you the side eye like c’mon guh… why can’t you get along with any other women…? O_o but we also begin to wonder about your past; admittedly we snoop and end up finding out you slayed the football team, basketball or the intake process revolved around…well you get my point. All of these things diminish the mental aspect of us keeping you as a mate.
Finally NUMBER 3: PERSONALITY/Character
I’m sure most of you were expecting this sooner but as I said earlier this piece becomes more influential as the maturation of a man increases. For men we don’t view personality the same as women and we don’t place as much weight on certain attributes like our female counterparts. Now this is a rough breakdown of what personality traits men generally find most appealing and lacking these will put you in the friend zone expeditiously.
Sense of Humor– you may know this already but each man has his own kind of humor and his own kind of humor he wants from a gal. It can be very individualized so no generalizations here but a woman who can make light of a situation and possess extreme wit to make a comeback on a joke we hash out IS A HUGE BONUS.
Ambition– This for an ambitious lad like myself is a tremendous “keeper” quality. An ambitious woman with her own goals and objectives exudes independence and freedom. Men like a woman with a life before us. This is individualized as well because an over-ambitious woman (subjective) could be a turn off for some men as well as under-ambitious. However; it is better to err on the over ambitious side at least there he is just foolish to turn you down.
Integrity– I believe most men can agree that an honest, trustworthy and loyal woman is a keeper in the “dating” department so we admire these qualities about a person’s personality and character. This is inhibited or prohibited based on your history because if we’ve seen or known you to cheat, lie or backstab in situations we keep you at a distance but if we witness you holding it down with integrity than we say damn, “I need someone like that in my life.” (my biggest indicator for companionship)
Confidence – Last but not least, Confidence is a huge addition to a woman’s personality. I know I muffled that personality may be detrimental to your reality in the case that the truth outweighs your perception of self but when perception and truth run parallel when your look, talk and demeanor are all complementing YOU….. We fall helplessly closer to making this more than just a friend thing. Some men cannot handle over(t)ly confident women; mostly because of their own insecurities. We also notice unstable self-perception and oftentimes we don’t want to associate our hearts with instability so we keep it as just friends.
WELP THAT ABOUT SUMS IT UP FOLKS:
I covered a lot of topics and tried to shed a little light on the rather diverse topic (so how did I do?). I cannot say that I missed much besides ONE HUGE FACT ABOUT MEN TODAY… We rarely friend zone fine women until we see what number 2 and 3 are like because you can be fine as ALL GET OUT but if number 2 and 3 are shaky best believe you will be JUST a friend with….
Now one fact that needs to be addressed is that MEN and WOMEN friend zone completely differently and this is what confuses a lot of women. AS a man I know this because I’ve seen it happen my whole life; WE will friend zone a girl but still become intimate or want to become “active” with her. And as a woman you say well how the hell does that work and truth is it rarely does but we know in our minds we could never be more than just friends but as I just said above…
We rarely “friend-zone” attractive women; especially to the point where we can’t rub on some buns or please our sensual desires; because at the end of the day our relationship standards may put you in the friend zone but your physical and sexual appeal may put you in the friends with benefits zone and LADIES… We gentlemen keep them two COMPLETELY SEPARATE… That’s just RNS
Until Next Time,